South Bay Elder Care Answers
Helpful tips for family caregivers

Finding time to grandparent

When you’re caring for your aging parent or spouse, you might be at a loss for how you can fit in grandparenting too. You might feel grief, jealousy, and even guilt that you’re not getting to be the grandparent you imagined. Don’t give up. Grandchild relationships are precious! Whether those families live nearby or far away, it is possible to keep a strong bond, even when caregiving fills your days.

Here are some ideas for how to use the limited time—and energy—that you have for grandparenting.

Reimagine what connection looks like. You don’t need hours to stay close. Even five minutes of focused attention can leave a lasting impression. Borrow ideas from long-distance grandparents, even if you live nearby: set up a regular video chat, share a playlist, send voice notes, or play a game together online. Use whatever your grandchild prefers—text, email, social media—or mail a postcard just because. Let them know they matter to you.

Start your own traditions. Send a special card, maybe a treat, every half-birthday, making it a day that’s yours and theirs alone. For a little one, you might read or sing to them via video chat, or send new pajamas before the first day of school each year. With an older child, make the same recipe and swap reviews. Over time, these small rituals deepen in meaning.

Include your children. Your adult children (and their partners) are your strongest allies in this quest. Give them some appreciation, such as, “I like how you’re [doing XYZ] with the kids.” Admiring words keep the door open for more regular updates and help create opportunities for you to be involved.

Expect mixed emotions. You might feel joy during a video chat, then sadness when it ends. It just doesn’t feel like enough. Meet these feelings with understanding. Emotional ambivalence is part of the normal landscape of your life right now. Acknowledging your feelings to yourself and to a friend, if possible, may lessen the sting.

Trust that you’re doing enough. Your stories, your laughter, your love all matter. What your grandchildren want most is to feel seen and cared about. Show up however you can. Strive to be consistent. Even if the contact is brief, it counts to them.

Packing a "go bag"

Whether it’s fire, flood, or something else, natural disasters happen everywhere. Make sure your loved one is prepared. Given that age or disease has likely eliminated their ability to move quickly, it’s all the more important to help in advance. Even if you live nearby, you may not be able to get to them when there’s a local crisis. Wherever you are, having their go bag ready will help ease the stress of an unexpected evacuation.

First, locate an appropriate bag. A rolling duffel might be easiest for older adults to move. Waterproof is ideal. Find an accessible location for storage, such as a front closet. Here’s what to pack:

The essentials. Aim for three days’ worth of nonperishable food and bottled water, or as much as your loved one can manage carrying. Add a flashlight with extra batteries, a first-aid kit, travel-size toiletries, and manual can opener. Pack a change of clothes, socks, a warm layer, and an emergency blanket.

Safety and medical supplies. Include hand sanitizer, antibacterial wipes, N95 masks, gloves, and a thermometer. Pack a week’s supply of medications. Put a list of their medications and healthcare providers, along with allergy details and copies of medical insurance, power of attorney, and advance directive documents in a waterproof zip-top bag. Consider portable versions of any needed medical equipment, such as a CPAP device, oxygen, or mobility aids.

Personal and comfort items. Include extra eyeglasses, hearing aid batteries, incontinence supplies, snacks, and a comfort item such as a photo or soft blanket. Add a phone charger, power bank, some cash in small bills, copies of identification, and a printed contact list. The list should include information about family, friends, shelters, and local aid groups. Include a response plan for how you will contact one another and where you will meet.

Last, and important to note: keep the supplies fresh, especially medications. Review and replace the contents every quarter, at minimum.

Reducing the risk of falls

Each year, one out of four older adults will experience a fall, making falls the leading cause of injury for elders. The most severe consequences include injuries that can be life changing: a traumatic brain injury or broken hip. These can lead to the need to move to a setting with more assistance.

Your aging loved one is considered at high risk for falling if they have fallen twice in the past year, has balance or gait problems, or has just had a severe fall.

Regardless of their history, ask your family member’s doctor to do a “fall risk assessment.” This includes a review of

• underlying medical conditions. Many chronic diseases, such as diabetes or heart disease, can affect balance and mobility.
• the home environment. The doctor can write an order for an occupational therapist or other trained professional to do a home assessment.
• medication use. Some types of drugs, and daily use of four or more prescription drugs, increase the risk for falling.

Encourage your relative to get more exercise. Exercise has been shown to reduce fall risk. That said, your loved one may also hold back from exercising precisely because they are afraid of falling. Check with the doctor to see if they should start exercising by working with a physical therapist. Otherwise, recommended activities include

• balance exercises three times a week. For instance, walking backwards, walking sideways, and standing from a sitting position.
• strength-training exercise twice a week. Usually this involves lifting weights of some kind. Think in terms of exercising legs, back, chest, and arms. A lot of this can be done from a chair, if they are anxious about falls.
• aerobic exercise. Moderate-intensity exercise causes the heart and lungs to work harder. This is important for increasing stamina. It also helps build muscle tone. Although the recommendation of 150 minutes per week can seem like a lot, it can be spread out in ten-minute intervals two or three times a day.